Can’t say “queer” anymore! Authoritarians at Puffin just made hundreds of changes to Roald Dahl’s books. Here are some examples.

By Daniel Alman (aka Dan from Squirrel Hill)

February 19, 2023

This article from the Telegraph lists a huge numbers of the changes that publisher Puffin has recently made to Roald Dahl’s books.

Dahl himself has been dead for decades, so he had nothing to do with these changes. I’m certain that when he wrote his original text, he put a tremendous amount of thought into the words that he chose. I’m guessing that he would probably drop dead from a heart attack if he were still alive and could see how his art has been mutilated. Or perhaps the back of his head would have exploded. Certainly, he would have been furious, and would have felt very heavily violated.

Every famous and well loved author has their own unique writing style. The original text of Dahl’s books was written in a specific manner that makes it clearly identifiable as having been written by Dahl. His word choices were colorful and descriptive. The changes that Puffin has made vandalize Dahl’s writing. They also dumb it down. The new, replacement text is bland and drab.

This is exactly the kind of thing that George Orwell warned us about in his novel 1984.

Here are some examples of the recent changes to Dahl’s books, as reported in this Telegraph article:

Original text: “In her right hand she carried a walking stick. She used to tell people that this was because she had warts growing on her sole of her left foot and walking was painful.”

New text: “In her right hand she carried a walking stick. Not because she needed help walking.”

Original text: “You can’t go round pulling the hair of every lady you meet, even if she is wearing gloves. Just you try it and see what happens”

New text: “Besides, there are plenty of other reasons why women might wear wigs and there is certainly nothing wrong with that”

Original text: “But what about the rest of the world?’ I cried. “What about America and France and Holland and Germany?”

New text: “But what about the rest of the world?” I cried

Original text: “Your daughter Vanessa, judging by what she’s learnt this term, has no hearing-organs at all”

New text: “Judging by what your daughter Vanessa has learnt this term, this fact alone is more interesting than anything I have taught in the classroom “

Original text: “They must be absolutely mad! the Centipede said”

New text: “What are they doing?! the Centipede said”

Original text: “Idiots!” he yelled

New text: “Oi!” he yelled

Original text: “Great flock of ladies”

New text: “Great group of ladies”

Original text: “Chambermaid”

New text: “Cleaner“

Original text: “Queer“

New text: “Strange”

Original text: “Foul bald-headed females”

New text: “Foul females”

Original text:”fatty folds of his flabby neck”

New text: “folds of his neck”

Original text: “Even if she is working as a cashier in a supermarket or typing letters for a businessman”

New text: “Even if she is working as a top scientist or running a business”

Original text: “It nearly killed Ashton as well. Half the skin came away from his scalp”

New text: “It didn’t do Ashton much good”

Original text: “Dickens or Kipling”

New text: “Dickens or Austen”

Original text: “Wise old bird”

New text: “Wise teacher”

Original text: “You’re mad”

New text: “I don’t know why“

Original text: “Knock her flat”

New text: “Give her a right talking to”

Original text: “blow off the top of her head”

New text: “shoot sparks out the top of her head”

Original text: “Maybe that will brighten up those horrid brown teeth of hers”

New text: “Maybe that will brighten up her smile”

Original text: “The old hag opened her small wrinkled mouth, showing disgusting pale brown teeth”

New text: “The old lady opened her small wrinkled mouth.”

Original text: “I climbed up to their tree-house village and poked my head in through the door of the tree house belonging to the leader of the tribe”

New text: “I decided to speak to their leader”

Original text: “The poor little fellow, looking thin and starved, was sitting there…”

New text: “The fellow was sitting there…”

Original text: “So I shipped them all over here – every man, woman, and child in the Oompa-Loompa tribe”

New text: “So, they all agreed to come over – each and every Oompa-Loompa”

Original text: “It was easy. I smuggled them over in large packing cases with holes in them, and they all got here safely… They all speak English now”

New text: “They’ve told me they love it here”

Orignal text: “But Augustus was deaf to everything except the call of his enormous stomach”

New text: “But Augustus was ignoring everything”

Orginal text: “She wants a good kick in the pants,” whispered Grandpa Joe

New text: “She needs to learn some manners,” whispered Grandpa Joe

Original text: “How long could we allow this beast/To gorge and guzzle, feed and feast/On everything he wanted to?/Great Scott! It simply wouldn’t do./However long this pig might live,/We’re positive he’d never give/Even the smallest bit of fun/Or happiness to anyone”

New text: “For one such child as vile as he/Bad things happen, wait and see!/We cannot say we are surprised,/Augustus Gloop had been advised./ But then he took another sip/And now he’s going on a trip.”

So those are some of the examples of original text being replaced with new text.

In many other cases, text has been completely removed, with nothing to replace it. Here are some examples of text that has been removed without being replaced:

“When an actress wears a wig, or if you or I were to wear a wig, we would be putting it on over our own hair, but a witch has to put it straight on to her naked scalp “

“How horrid!” “Disgusting,” my grandmother said

“Perhaps he had been forced to jam her thumb down the spout of a boiling kettle until it was steamed away”

“The gums were like raw meat”

“I simply cannot tell you how awful they were, and somehow the whole sight was made more grotesque because underneath those frightful scabby bald heads, the bodies were dressed in fashionable and rather pretty clothes. It was monstrous. It was unnatural”

“We could round them all up and put them in the meat-grinder“

“He needs to go on a diet”

“I was crazy”

“She wore heavy make-up and had one of those unfortunate bulging figures where the flesh appeas to be strapped in all around the body to prevent it from falling out”

“His wife recognised the signs immediately and made herself scarce”

“Matilda took the knife she had been eating with”

“He looked like a low-grade bookmaker dressed up for his daughter’s wedding”

“Bingo afternoons left her so exhausted both physically and emotionally that she never had enough energy left to cook an evening meal”

“Their children turned out to be delinquents and drop-outs”

“I was her slave”

“She looked as though she was going to faint.”

“Mr Kranky was a small man with bandy legs and a huge head.”

“That’s what happens to you if you’re grumpy and bad tempered,’ said Mr Kranky. ‘Great medicine of yours, George.’”

“But she calmed down quite quickly. And by lunchtime, she was saying, ‘Ah well, I suppose it’s all for the best, really. She was a bit of a nusiance around the house, wasn’t she?’ ‘Yes,’ Mr Kranky said. ‘She most certainly was.’”

“The man behind the counter looked fat and well-fed. He had big lips and fat cheeks and a very fat neck”

“The fat around his neck bulged out all around the top of his collar like a rubber ring”

“Look at their funny long hair!”

“But they can’t be real people,” Charlie said

“The Oompa-Loompas spent every moment of their days climbing through the treetops”

“You only had to mention the word “cacao” to an Oompa-Loompa and he would start dribbling at the mouth”

“Mr Wonka turned around and clicked his finger sharply, click, click, click, three times”

“The Oompa-Loompa bowed and smiled, showing beautiful white teeth. His skin was rosy-white, his hair was golden brown, and the top of his head came just above the height of Mr Wonka’s knee“

“He wore the usual deerskin slung over his shoulder”

“But this revolting boy, of course,/Was so unutterably vile,/So greedy, foul, and infantile,/He left a most disgusting taste/Inside our mouths, and so in haste/We chose a thing that, come what may./Would take the nasty taste away”

“Rather pretty young lady”

“That seemed to calm her down a bit”

“Immensely fat”

So, those are some of the examples that are listed at the Telegraph article. There are hundreds of others in the article that I did not include. You can read the Telegraph article at this link.