Saturday Night Live makes fun of western girls who join ISIS
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_L2fazw5Y9k
Jimmy Fallon impersonates Neil Young, and then the real Neil Young joins him
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6otmy3DAK8
CNN Chris Cuomo Calls Black French Terrorist ‘African-American’
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SQE9tToyGw
Oh wow! Aerosmith didn’t write this song!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rws_7mLTqj8
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=00zuDUNTeXM
Jihadists in Syria write home to France: ‘My iPod is broken. I want to come back’
What exactly did these idiots think it was going to be like?
If any of them do return to France, I hope they get charged with aiding terrorists, convicted, and sentenced to life in prison.
And I hope that innocent baby gets French citizenship, and is adopted by more rational parents.
The Telegraph reports:
Jihadists in Syria write home to France: ‘My iPod is broken. I want to come back’
French jihadists complain about the cold, not knowing how to fight and how their iPods are running out
December 2, 2014
Letters from French jihadists home to their parents have revealed the misery, boredom and fear suffered by Islamist recruits as the gloss fades from their big adventure.
In a series of letters seen by Le Figaro newspaper, some of the 376 French currently fighting in Syria have begged for advice on how to return. Others have complained that, rather than participating in a noble battle, they have been acting as jihadi dogsbodies.
“I’ve basically done nothing except hand out clothes and food,” wrote one, who wants to return from Aleppo. “I also help clean weapons and transport dead bodies from the front. Winter’s arrived here. It’s begun to get really hard.”
Another writes: “I’m fed up. They make me do the washing up.”
One Frenchman whinged that he wanted to come home because he was missing the comforts of life in France.
“I’m fed up. My iPod doesn’t work any more here. I have to come back.”
A third wrote fearfully: “They want to send me to the front, but I don’t know how to fight.”
Others were concerned, more prosaically, about the nationality of their baby, which was born in Syria and so not recognised by the French state.
Good Mythical Morning! May I have the pleasure of introducing you to my favorite YouTube channel?
These two guys have been best friends since first grade. They both have engineering degrees, but both quit that field to work full time on their videos. They grew up in North Carolina, but recently moved to Los Angeles. Every weekday at 6 A.M. they put up a new 12 minute video – and they have hundreds of them going back a few years.
https://www.youtube.com/user/rhettandlink2/videos?flow=grid&view=0
Hitler gets mad at Al Gore’s global warming hypocrisy
I took a scene from the movie “Downfall,” and I wrote these subtitles for it:
Kim Jong Un shows Europe why North Korea is superior at cutting edge technology
The Washington Post just published this article and photograph. I realize that this sounds like satire from the Onion, but it really is a real news article:
This photo of Kim Jong Un riding a ski lift is North Korea’s way of flipping off Europe
December 31, 2013
North Korean leader Kim Jong Un takes a solemn ski lift ride during his inspection tour at the Masik Pass ski resort, near Wonsan, North Korea.
I’ll explain. Kim is thought to have developed a love for skiing when he went to boarding school (under a fake identity) in Switzerland. One of his pet projects since taking power two years ago has been building a giant ski resort, something that does not immediately serve the world’s poorest country but would be meant as a show of national greatness. So Kim made it a top national priority to build the resort, Masik Pass, and work has been proceeding feverishly.
But Kim’s pet project hit a major snag this August: ski lifts. Kim just could not get his hands on any ski lifts. North Korea doesn’t have the technology to build its own. And the countries that make them all tend to be in the West, where new sanctions imposed in March make it illegal to sell luxury goods to the Hermit Kingdom. North Korea tried offering millions of dollars to Austrian and French companies to import ski lifts, but both said no.
Finally, North Korea tried to import from a Swiss company, offering $7.7 million for the lifts. It would be a logical choice: The country’s well-known history of neutrality at times extends even to Pyongyang. But the Swiss government blocked the deal, calling the Masik Pass resort a “propaganda project.”
Pyongyang was so angry it issued a furious response via official state outlet KCNA, declaring, “This is an intolerable mockery of the social system and the people of the DPRK and a serious human rights abuse that politicizes sports and discriminates against the Koreans.” Yes, you read that correctly: North Korea called Switzerland’s refusal to sell it ski lifts a “serious human rights abuse.”
In the four months since Switzerland blocked the sale, North Korea appears to have somehow acquired ski lifts. It’s not clear how or from where; presumably they’re confident in the lift’s safety for Kim himself to take this lonely ride up the slope. The photo is surely meant primarily to demonstrate to North Koreans that the ski resort is coming along and that the ski lifts have the leader’s confidence. But it’s hard not to also see this as Kim thumbing his nose at Europe, as if to say that he doesn’t need their stinking ski lifts anyway.
North Korean state media called the ski lift a “great monumental structure.” Kim reportedly said that the resort was “at the center of the world’s attention” (it’s a central myth of North Korean propaganda that the entire globe is rapt with admiration and wonderment at North Korea’s every ribbon-cutting) and said it would open as soon as possible.
How to trick people into thinking you have giant eyeballs
Darn. I wish I had come across this article two weeks ago – it would have come in really handy when I went trick or treating disguised as a giant squid.
Yahoo News reports:
How to Fake Bigger Eyes
November 11, 2013
Whether it be restless nights, allergies making eyes puffy or naturally small eyes (the list goes on and on) we all want our eyes to appear larger. This can seem hard to accomplish but with a few tricks and tips, you can achieve a larger looking eye in no time. From eye liners to sleeping habits, we’ve covered the basis of getting those beautiful eyes to pop. Take a look at the tips below and enjoy your bigger eyes!
White eyeliner: When applying liner to the water line, you want to opt for a white or blush toned liner to make the eye appear brighter and bring more light to that part of the face.
Eye cream: It’s never too early to start applying eye cream underneath eyes before you sleep. This will help to treat and hydrate the delicate tissue underneath the eyes, allowing you to wake up with fresh, de-puffed eyes. Puffiness can make your eyes look smaller, so de-puffing is always a plus.
Concealer: Try using a salmon pink color concealer under the eyes. This will work better to neutralize out those blues and purples that naturally come with the area under your eyes, and neutralizing these colors will help to brighten up, and therefore widen, your eyes.
Curl lashes: It may seem the oldest trick in the book, but there’s a good reason for that! Curling lashes before applying mascara helps to open up the eye, then once mascara is applied it accentuates the bigger, wider lashes.
Double coating: Don’t be afraid to double up on your mascara and apply two coats from the lash root to end. Mascara works to brighten and open up the eye, drawing more attention to them, and two coats of a mascara that won’t clump helps to really make your eyes look huge.
Follow the crease: When applying eyeshadow, follow the natural shape of the eye and you’ll notice dramatic results. Place the darker color in the crease of the eye and lighter shades on the lid for optimal results.
Brows: Bold brows aren’t just a huge trend because Cara Delevingne looks amazing. Filled in, strong brows frame the face and make your eyes pop, so skip the tweezing and opt for a brow pencil instead.
Movie review: Phantom of the Opera (1943)
I’m shocked – shocked – to see certain things in Phantom of the Opera that I did not see in other classic Universal monster films! For one thing, this movie has vermilion. It also has chartreuse and lavender. It has azure. It has ochre and magenta. It has aquamarine, maroon, and burnt umber. It has turquoise and saffron. Why, this movie even has crimson – even the Dracula movie didn’t have crimson! I tell you – seeing these things in this movie was totally unexpected. It defied my expectations of what I thought was a common characteristic of all of the films in this series. My preconceived notions and assumptions have been desecrated. I suppose that I will get over this eventually, but it will definitely take some time.
Obamacare website can’t handle as much traffic as a website run by one guy in his pajamas
drudgereport.com is run by Matt Drudge, who runs the website in his pajamas from his apartment. I’ve visited his website just about every day since the late 20th century. It runs very well. His website has gotten as many as 45 million hits per day.
On the first day of the Obamacare website, it had 5 million visitors. It could not handle that amount of traffic.
IT experts who had analyzed the data going to and from the Obamacare website said the reason that people could not use it was because it was launching the equivalent of a “denial of service attack” against itself. They said the website was sending and receiving massive amounts of unnecessary data back and forth between itself and users’ computers. The IT experts attributed this to bad programming, and said that adding more servers would not fix the problem.
Lots of great ideas for new Seinfeld episodes – it if were still being made today
I just discovered this website called “Modern Seinfeld,” which lists a lot of really smart and funny ideas for new episodes of Seinfeld, based on today’s trends, news, pop culture, and technology.
I’m posting a few examples here, but this is just a tiny fraction of what’s available at the link. If you’re a Seinfeld fan, I recommend you click on the link to see a whole lot more of them:
https://twitter.com/seinfeldtoday
George pretends to belong to a gym just to use their bathroom. Kramer “borrows” Jerry’s computer and is offended by his Internet history.
Jerry’s vacation’s ruined by the stress of avoiding Breaking Bad spoilers. Elaine’s never seen the show, ruins a viewing party w/ questions.
Jerry & George discover Kramer’s the subject of an insane number of Craigslist missed connections. Elaine gets a pixie cut. It’s disastrous.
Jerry has to use an old Zune because his parents, who gave it to him, are visiting. Kramer “borrows” J’s iPhone. “Hey, you’re not using it.”
George is briefly implicated in the latest Anthony Weiner scandal because his OKCupid handle is Carlos Danger.
When George’s gf goes out of town he can’t help finishing the TV show they’re marathoning together, then badly pretends not to have seen it.
Jerry discovers his gf still uses her JDate profile. Kramer leaves messages for the NSA in his emails. Newman reluctantly tries SoulCycle.
Lots more at https://twitter.com/seinfeldtoday
Why do people use the word “salad” when what they really mean is “mayonnaise”?
This is from the season 4 episode of “Roseanne” called “Stressed to Kill.” The relevant part starts at 14:28.
Roaseanne: “Can I help you?”
Customer: “Which is better – the tuna salad or the egg salad?”
Roaseanne: “Tuna salad, egg salad, chicken salad, turkey salad, shrimp salad – what difference does it make? It’s all just different words for mayonnaise.”
