An alternative to debt forgiveness: This writer says eating peanut butter and jelly for lunch instead of going to a restaurant made them feel happy and in control of their life.

https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/m-18k-debt-went-no-143039541.html

I’m $18k in debt, so I went on a no-spend month. Here’s what I learned.

By Chegg Life

August 31, 2022

Standing in my kitchen on a recent morning, making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch later that day, it occurred to me that what would appear to be a fairly mundane (albeit delicious) task was actually so much more.

Maybe that’s because, during the previous month, I spent close to $700 on restaurants alone. That’s like a million peanut butter and jellies.

It was that revelation that inspired a month-long no-restaurants-or-shopping challenge I assigned to myself in July. I could not continue to ignore my mounting bills, and I could not go on living with the constant reminder and anxiety of my $18,000 of credit card debt.

Since getting laid off in March 2021, I’ve been funding my life on a freelance salary in one of the most expensive cities in the world. I was living beyond my means, swiftly approaching my credit limit, and I felt completely out of control. Something had to change. And fast.

I was lucky to have a supportive (and much more knowledgeable friend) in my corner. We (she) quickly went on the offensive and introduced me to Tiller, a budgeting software she uses. She showed me how to calculate my expenses for the past three months and make a budget for the long term. Fun, I thought, but begrudgingly obliged. It was like watching a scary movie. But much like seeing Scream 5 in theaters after years of convincing myself I would be too scared, confronting my spending head-on made me realize that, like the Scream franchise, this isn’t that scary at all.

Looking at my expenses, I made the difficult-to-me decision to cut restaurants and shopping out completely for a full month. No shopping for non-necessities. No takeout. No dinners out with friends. No “Let’s grab a drink!” Could I actually do it? It was an off-putting prospect for a person who has been known to refresh Resy in hopes of scoring a last-minute, hard-to-get reservation for sport. But it felt worth trying.

Along with my shopping and food restrictions and newfound budgeting habit, I knew I needed to take action to feel like I was getting things a bit more in control; it was abundantly clear during this deep dive into my credit card statements that I was not in control at all. So, I began to make a few painful decisions, canceling a laundry list of plans that I simply could not afford: a dinner plan that very evening, a trip to Seattle later in the month to celebrate a friend’s wedding. I even called a beloved bathing suit brand to cancel an order I’d placed just days earlier. As I mentally crossed out things I’d been eagerly anticipating, I returned to a saying someone shared with me that I’ve found applicable in so many situations:

Just because something feels bad doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

I expected some change as a result — like, perhaps, a little extra literal change in my account at the end of the month. And that certainly happened. But there were so many other unexpected lessons, too.

I felt so much gratitude

When I first took shopping and restaurants out of the equation, I worried about how I’d fare without the dopamine hit that comes only from clicking “buy now” or the excitement of that initial sip of an overpriced cocktail — would I feel like I was missing out?

That notion was tested a few times during the month. I went to a concert at a baseball stadium (tickets purchased pre-challenge) mid month, where, under normal circumstances, I would have typically bought, at the very least, chicken fingers and french fries and merch and, at the most, all of the above plus a $20 beer in a souvenir cup.

But I packed a sandwich and some wine in a thermos and tried to put fried food out of my mind. In line with a friend who wanted to get a drink, I felt the temptation creeping in. I’m not sure if it was the concert or the spending gods, but as we approached the front of the line, a very generous (and intoxicated) man turned around, announced he’d be buying drinks for everyone in the line and pulled out his credit card.

With the exception of the gifted tequila, I was mostly surprised to find myself not feeling deprived.  I actually more grateful for not only the things I already have but for the people in my life that make it so special and sweet. Every time I shared my challenge with someone and they suggested going for a walk or having a picnic, it felt like my heart swelled three sizes.

I got more creative

That same friend who first sat me down in front of the computer to face my spending demons also helped me realize something that never occurred to me in all my life living in New York where your social life revolves around paying other people to cook for you. Meeting for dinner is so…easy.

Removing it as an option would mean getting more creative, finding more fun. I went on walks, on picnics, to the beach and to see free movies in the park that we always talk about seeing in the summer but never do. I snuck grocery store snacks into the movies. I went to Philadelphia to visit friends who planned an entire weekend of free or affordable activities — a pizza night and a bike ride. Another friend decided to host a potluck for her birthday dinner instead of going out. I found myself looking forward to finding new activities to do that didn’t involve spending money, and looking even more forward to checking my bank account and keeping tabs on my budget each day.

Who is she? I could barely recognize myself.

I tried my hand at new cuisines

Aside from the ubiquitous PB&J, I found myself trying out new recipes, like this miso-glazed salmon and a kale Caesar salad I cannot stop making. And, as an unexpected bonus, I feel… really good. It may not be sustainable to make myself every meal for the rest of forever, but having a basic idea of everything I was consuming for a month really made me feel like I was taking care of myself.

I connected with so many people

When I reached out to friends I’d made plans to spend the weekend with prior to starting this challenge, I was plagued with anxiety about how they would react. I wrote to them explaining what was going on and assured them that they were still welcome to go out to eat, that I would meet up with them when they were done. But they were more than happy to stay in and cook. Trying new restaurants is always exciting, but when it comes down to it, we make plans with people to connect and spend quality time together. And you don’t need to spend money to do that.

I started posting daily video diaries on my TikTok, mostly as a way of holding myself accountable and to keep a record of the experience. But soon, it grew into a community. I heard from so many different people who were either at some point in their debt payoff journey or looking for some inspo. I was happy to share both.

And I realized that, when given the chance, everyone has a debt story they’re eager to share.

I was initially scared to share publicly the actual amount of credit card debt I had. I was afraid of my mom seeing it, my family members on Facebook judging me. I was afraid of being made fun of, ridiculed for not knowing how to handle my money. What happened was quite the opposite.

I was on a walk with my friend (the one who helped me with the budget) one morning, agonizing over my finances when I just sort of…blurted it out, I told her I had $18,000 in debt — saying that number aloud for the first time. I waited for the shock, the disapproval. Bless her, it never came.

Once it was out there, my DMs almost immediately filled up with other people going through a similar situation, some offering tips on how to crawl out of it, some sharing personal anecdotes and even some comforting solidarity. It was not only refreshing; it was eye-opening, too. It made me realize that talking about finances openly and without judgment is something many of us are craving, and not necessarily getting.

I’m not sure what comes next. But as this month comes to an end, I have spent over $2,000 less than the month prior. I paid $1,000 off my credit card balance, put money away for taxes, and felt no anxiety about what my balance was while handing my debit card over to pay for some essentials. I didn’t get sick of peanut butter and jelly, and I have yet to miss a restaurant.

Mostly, I’m excited about the prospect of finally being in control of my finances — and my life — for what feels like the first time.