I took a scene from the movie “Downfall,” and I wrote these subtitles for it:
The Washington Post just published this article and photograph. I realize that this sounds like satire from the Onion, but it really is a real news article:
This photo of Kim Jong Un riding a ski lift is North Korea’s way of flipping off Europe
I’ll explain. Kim is thought to have developed a love for skiing when he went to boarding school (under a fake identity) in Switzerland. One of his pet projects since taking power two years ago has been building a giant ski resort, something that does not immediately serve the world’s poorest country but would be meant as a show of national greatness. So Kim made it a top national priority to build the resort, Masik Pass, and work has been proceeding feverishly.
But Kim’s pet project hit a major snag this August: ski lifts. Kim just could not get his hands on any ski lifts. North Korea doesn’t have the technology to build its own. And the countries that make them all tend to be in the West, where new sanctions imposed in March make it illegal to sell luxury goods to the Hermit Kingdom. North Korea tried offering millions of dollars to Austrian and French companies to import ski lifts, but both said no.
Finally, North Korea tried to import from a Swiss company, offering $7.7 million for the lifts. It would be a logical choice: The country’s well-known history of neutrality at times extends even to Pyongyang. But the Swiss government blocked the deal, calling the Masik Pass resort a “propaganda project.”
Pyongyang was so angry it issued a furious response via official state outlet KCNA, declaring, “This is an intolerable mockery of the social system and the people of the DPRK and a serious human rights abuse that politicizes sports and discriminates against the Koreans.” Yes, you read that correctly: North Korea called Switzerland’s refusal to sell it ski lifts a “serious human rights abuse.”
In the four months since Switzerland blocked the sale, North Korea appears to have somehow acquired ski lifts. It’s not clear how or from where; presumably they’re confident in the lift’s safety for Kim himself to take this lonely ride up the slope. The photo is surely meant primarily to demonstrate to North Koreans that the ski resort is coming along and that the ski lifts have the leader’s confidence. But it’s hard not to also see this as Kim thumbing his nose at Europe, as if to say that he doesn’t need their stinking ski lifts anyway.
North Korean state media called the ski lift a “great monumental structure.” Kim reportedly said that the resort was “at the center of the world’s attention” (it’s a central myth of North Korean propaganda that the entire globe is rapt with admiration and wonderment at North Korea’s every ribbon-cutting) and said it would open as soon as possible.
Darn. I wish I had come across this article two weeks ago – it would have come in really handy when I went trick or treating disguised as a giant squid.
Yahoo News reports:
How to Fake Bigger Eyes
November 11, 2013
Whether it be restless nights, allergies making eyes puffy or naturally small eyes (the list goes on and on) we all want our eyes to appear larger. This can seem hard to accomplish but with a few tricks and tips, you can achieve a larger looking eye in no time. From eye liners to sleeping habits, we’ve covered the basis of getting those beautiful eyes to pop. Take a look at the tips below and enjoy your bigger eyes!
White eyeliner: When applying liner to the water line, you want to opt for a white or blush toned liner to make the eye appear brighter and bring more light to that part of the face.
Eye cream: It’s never too early to start applying eye cream underneath eyes before you sleep. This will help to treat and hydrate the delicate tissue underneath the eyes, allowing you to wake up with fresh, de-puffed eyes. Puffiness can make your eyes look smaller, so de-puffing is always a plus.
Concealer: Try using a salmon pink color concealer under the eyes. This will work better to neutralize out those blues and purples that naturally come with the area under your eyes, and neutralizing these colors will help to brighten up, and therefore widen, your eyes.
Curl lashes: It may seem the oldest trick in the book, but there’s a good reason for that! Curling lashes before applying mascara helps to open up the eye, then once mascara is applied it accentuates the bigger, wider lashes.
Double coating: Don’t be afraid to double up on your mascara and apply two coats from the lash root to end. Mascara works to brighten and open up the eye, drawing more attention to them, and two coats of a mascara that won’t clump helps to really make your eyes look huge.
Follow the crease: When applying eyeshadow, follow the natural shape of the eye and you’ll notice dramatic results. Place the darker color in the crease of the eye and lighter shades on the lid for optimal results.
Brows: Bold brows aren’t just a huge trend because Cara Delevingne looks amazing. Filled in, strong brows frame the face and make your eyes pop, so skip the tweezing and opt for a brow pencil instead.
I’m shocked – shocked – to see certain things in Phantom of the Opera that I did not see in other classic Universal monster films! For one thing, this movie has vermilion. It also has chartreuse and lavender. It has azure. It has ochre and magenta. It has aquamarine, maroon, and burnt umber. It has turquoise and saffron. Why, this movie even has crimson – even the Dracula movie didn’t have crimson! I tell you – seeing these things in this movie was totally unexpected. It defied my expectations of what I thought was a common characteristic of all of the films in this series. My preconceived notions and assumptions have been desecrated. I suppose that I will get over this eventually, but it will definitely take some time.
drudgereport.com is run by Matt Drudge, who runs the website in his pajamas from his apartment. I’ve visited his website just about every day since the late 20th century. It runs very well. His website has gotten as many as 45 million hits per day.
On the first day of the Obamacare website, it had 5 million visitors. It could not handle that amount of traffic.
IT experts who had analyzed the data going to and from the Obamacare website said the reason that people could not use it was because it was launching the equivalent of a “denial of service attack” against itself. They said the website was sending and receiving massive amounts of unnecessary data back and forth between itself and users’ computers. The IT experts attributed this to bad programming, and said that adding more servers would not fix the problem.
I just discovered this website called “Modern Seinfeld,” which lists a lot of really smart and funny ideas for new episodes of Seinfeld, based on today’s trends, news, pop culture, and technology.
I’m posting a few examples here, but this is just a tiny fraction of what’s available at the link. If you’re a Seinfeld fan, I recommend you click on the link to see a whole lot more of them:
George pretends to belong to a gym just to use their bathroom. Kramer “borrows” Jerry’s computer and is offended by his Internet history.
Jerry’s vacation’s ruined by the stress of avoiding Breaking Bad spoilers. Elaine’s never seen the show, ruins a viewing party w/ questions.
Jerry & George discover Kramer’s the subject of an insane number of Craigslist missed connections. Elaine gets a pixie cut. It’s disastrous.
Jerry has to use an old Zune because his parents, who gave it to him, are visiting. Kramer “borrows” J’s iPhone. “Hey, you’re not using it.”
George is briefly implicated in the latest Anthony Weiner scandal because his OKCupid handle is Carlos Danger.
When George’s gf goes out of town he can’t help finishing the TV show they’re marathoning together, then badly pretends not to have seen it.
Jerry discovers his gf still uses her JDate profile. Kramer leaves messages for the NSA in his emails. Newman reluctantly tries SoulCycle.
Lots more at https://twitter.com/seinfeldtoday
This is from the season 4 episode of “Roseanne” called “Stressed to Kill.” The relevant part starts at 14:28.
Roaseanne: “Can I help you?”
Customer: “Which is better – the tuna salad or the egg salad?”
Roaseanne: “Tuna salad, egg salad, chicken salad, turkey salad, shrimp salad – what difference does it make? It’s all just different words for mayonnaise.”
On July 15, 2013, thousands of protestors in Times Square chanted:
“Trayvon did not have to die. We don’t know the reason why.”
To those thousands of protestors, as well as to the millions of other people who share their point of view, I would like to present the following simple, handy dandy, step by step guide on how to avoid getting shot and killed by George Zimmerman. I follow these steps every day, and the results speak for themselves. If you follow these simple and easy steps, then you, too, can avoid getting shot and killed by George Zimmerman.
Step #1: Don’t pin George Zimmerman down on the ground.
Step #2: Don’t break George Zimmerman’s nose.
Step #3: Don’t give George Zimmerman two black eyes.
Step #4: Don’t repeatedly slam George Zimmerman’s head on the pavement.
That’s it. Just four simply, easy steps.
It works for me.
And if you follow these steps, it will work for you too.
The Guardian reports
Study links insecticide use to invertebrate die-offs
Dutch research reveals correlation between water polluted with imidacloprid and low numbers of aquatic insects
The world’s most widely used insecticide is devastating dragonflies
Thank goodness that we have studies to give us information on this kind of thing!
“I wanted to voice my opinion on something that’s been bothering me for a really long time. I tried writing the newspaper and contacting TV stations but nobody seems to want to stick with this so I’m calling you guys. Over the past few years I’ve been involved in three separate car accidents involving deer. Each of these incidents occurred shortly after I saw a deer crossing sign on the highway.”
Let’s start out with this one. Even when almost all the letters are visible, the answer is still too top secret for some people to know what it is:
This is certainly one of the prettier things I’ve seen on YouTube:
“Hobbes and Bacon” is a “Calvin and Hobbes” tribute that takes place 26 years later. I had nothing to with creating these cartoons – I am merely posting them here so that you can see them. There are four – and only four – but that’s enough to get the message across. You can see larger versions of the images by clicking twice on each image: